Okay, holy shit I love these characters interacting. They are all little shitheads in their specific ways and I adored Grim's last line about Nerisse.
The opening line is beautiful, but starting with Arthur's name first in 3rd perspective made me believe that we were following his head for a moment with the rest of the paragraph being his own thoughts on Grim. It wasn't until the second paragraph that I realized we were following Grim's head and I had to go back and reread from the start (or is that the royal 'we' in the hotel?). I tend to start a scene stating the character's name that we are following first to prevent that kind of confusion
Okay, holy shit I love these characters interacting. They are all little shitheads in their specific ways and I adored Grim's last line about Nerisse.
The opening line is beautiful, but starting with Arthur's name first in 3rd perspective made me believe that we were following his head for a moment with the rest of the paragraph being his own thoughts on Grim. It wasn't until the second paragraph that I realized we were following Grim's head and I had to go back and reread from the start (or is that the royal 'we' in the hotel?). I tend to start a scene stating the character's name that we are following first to prevent that kind of confusion
I am looking forward to the next entry
Next:
https://open.substack.com/pub/ninestoryhotel/p/nerisse?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=h5x57
Previous:
https://open.substack.com/pub/ninestoryhotel/p/nerisse-in-wonderland?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=h5x57